so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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