even my farts smell like vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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