Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
