I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
