You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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