I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
