I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ugly people sure do ruin things
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize