You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
