addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize