cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
