Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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