i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
