don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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