Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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