mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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