i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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