We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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