just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
