I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's like iHOP with fire
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
