My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
