Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
