I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
