I hate all girls vehemently.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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