Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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