i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
