She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
