margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
