when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
