I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
