Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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