consequently i now know what mace tastes like
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
