I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize