I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
