Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize