my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
