Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
