some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
