So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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