I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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