I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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