I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
