I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
