There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
