I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize