every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
