I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
