So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
