Quick, to the slutcave!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
