well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
