Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
