I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize