3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
