this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize