I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize