his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
