yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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