Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
