OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
