Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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