4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish life had little blips of pornography
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
