I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
