I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
