i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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