You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
