By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
