Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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