I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
