I saw his package. It spoke to me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
